Decorating Celebrations

I have been cleaning out my moms things..and the more i find..the more grateful i am that there is so much for me to go thru..

I have found my mom in the pages of her daily diaries...from when she was 12 til when she was 90...there is so much...

i have found her in the notes she saved..and the things she wrote...the smell of her perfume...and the piles of scrapbooks that she saved ...

i have really grown to admire my mom so much more while going thru her things...and at times, i fall under the...why did she have to die..to ...i am so glad she didnt have to live as a blind and deaf woman.

in the past few months, my mother lost all the sight in her left eye...and her right eye was at 50%. in the hospital she didnt want to read, or watch tv, or listen to anything..she was tired and she couldnt see or hear...she was ready and waiting for the end.

a hard thing for a daughter to take...

but as i see all her writings...her missing my dad...her joy of life...and her completely full life until only this past year....

i slowly am accepting this...

it is so painful...to let go...to say this is final...i find this all so hard..

it is so painful to let go of the past for me as well...why cant we hold time?